Life Beyond Living

I had a chiropractor appointment this morning, and Colleen had an appointment to have her teeth cleaned. We agreed to meet up after our appointments, at the coffee shop in the Humbertown Plaza just downstairs from the dentist. My chiropractor is about 5 km east of there on Bloor Street at Jane. When I left the chiropractor, I drove all the way back down to the Queensway, only to come back up Royal York Road to the plaza. I could easily have followed Bloor Street in a straight line from Jane to Royal York. That trip would have taken about eight minutes. But instead, I mindlessly – and I use that word without reservation – drove a route that more than tripled that distance. This is the way my brain works lately. I just cannot seem to do anything the easy way. I find instructions intimidating and confusing. My sense of direction isn’t as accurate as it once was. Navigating an unfamiliar area without GPS is very stressful. And I often forget words, the names of common items or verbs even.

 

Am I simply aging? I’ll be 59 in July. Does this happen to everyone my age? Or is my brain function deteriorating more quickly than the average man? My mother has Alzheimer’s. Her mother had Alzheimer’s. My mother’s brother suffered severe dementia in his old age. And my cousin went completely bonkers before he was 70, and died in an institution.

How sad it would be if a lung transplant extended my Life long enough for me to completely lose my mind. You know, the more I think about it, the less attractive old age seems to be. I know I’ll have no choice in the matter, but if I live another ten years, that may be enough. When I think of poor ol' Dad at 95, half blind, nearly deaf, I really think 70 years is plenty long enough to live. If I'm gasping for air, and not able to enjoy Life, I'd gladly forgo old age. I don't discuss this with Colleen, however. I'm not sure she'd agree.

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