Busy week

Well, it's Friday. I've been on vacation all week, but it's been no vacation. Colleen's meal schedule has kept us hopping. She drinks two tbsp. of liquid every 15 minutes. I know! It's crazy, eh? This is what was recommended by the dietician at the hospital. With a stomach now reduced to the size of her thumb, getting enough fluids is a fulltime job. And getting enough nutrition is a challenge as well. She takes supplements in the form of protein powder, vitamin pills, and chocolate-flavoured calcium. It's been exactly two weeks since her surgery. She's looking forward to a change in her diet from liquids (soups, mostly) to pureed vegetables, and melba toast. It's a slow progression from clear liquids to normal food. It takes 4-6 weeks. It's tedious business to be sure, but she's lost 11 lbs. in a fortnight, nearly a pound per day! We take photos of her every Friday and she's posted them in a weight-loss journal. She proudly showed me the book this morning. I'm proud of her too. And I told her so.

My condition seems unchanged as I write this. Although some days I feel like an old man with tired arms and legs, most days are fine. Sometimes, I force myself to run with Percy when we go out walking. I can still manage a long block from one street to the next before my legs tire. And it takes a bit longer to catch my breath. I think a lot about what the doctor said: "We'll be seeing a lot of each other .." and about what his receptionist told me: "That's a bad one. If that's what you've got (referring to the brochure I held), that's really nasty." I replay these scenes in my mind. And that's when I feel afraid.

"Stay in the present," Colleen says and it's good advice. I'm alright now. Tomorrow may be unpleasant, but if I worry too much, today will be spoiled as well. This disease may take a couple of years to really make itself known to me. The great question now is this:

When should I retire? How long will I wait? What if I go too soon? Can I go too soon?

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